Satisfaction

EXCERPT

The rain continued in a never-ending downpour. It had been for days. Tori stomped in puddles, her crisp chambray work shirt a sodden mess. Her hair hung uncharacteristically straight, unable to defy gravity in the rain. Her wet clothes clung to her shape, her beautiful bountiful shape, and she glowed with a soft beckoning golden light.
Les sat on his bike and watched her. How had he never realized what she would have felt like in his arms? God, desire stabbed just from watching her. Funny, now that he wanted her, she had firmly put herself off limits. Her recent actions had made that clear. Not showing up for deliveries, not responding to being tagged online, not hanging out at the Agave Grill.
He knew exactly what he had done. Was she mad at him for the kiss? Or maybe she’d found someone who actively appreciated her in the past week. Something Les had failed to do. Well, the object of her affections was one lucky guy. Too bad Les had been too stupid to realize how he felt in time to do something about it. Well, his body had known, but his brain was stupid. Making him one big idiota. Why the fuck had he been fighting the inevitable?
For all appearances, she seemed like she was having a grand time kicking and splashing about. It was late, and he hadn’t shown up for open-floor ballroom dancing tonight, too afraid to face her. Too afraid, but he had to see her, so instead he stalked her from the shadows, waiting for her.
Why was Tori dancing alone in the rain in the tiny park around the town gazebo? It was too wet to be out. She hadn’t been in the class earlier.
Leaving his bike, Les ran with large loping steps, as if he could dodge the raindrops. The smell of kitchen grease that had clung to him all day wouldn’t even wash out of his hair from all the rain.
He stopped in front of her. His gaze took in her furrowed brow and sad eyes. Her soft bow-shaped lips pursed tight in an expression of concentrated rage. He wanted to tease her, tell her she looked like a little kid out here in the puddles, but the look on her face made it clear she was not in a teasing mood.
When she spotted him, Tori halted mid-splash, and the hard lines around her soft mouth dropped away. She inhaled sharply.
Les stepped closer, and Tori back-stepped away. She stepped to the side, and he cut her off. She tried again, but he was there. She stopped, no longer moving. Slowly, he slid his hand down her arm and captured her hand. It was cool from the rain. Compared to his, her hand was tiny and soft. If he had danced with her before, he would have known, been prepared for her hand in his. He wrapped his other arm around her shoulder before sliding it down her back and began a slow step-step-slide-together.
There were no smiles, no laughter, nothing. She wouldn’t look at him. His gut bunched. He wanted her in his arms properly. He tightened his embrace, bringing them closer. Tori continued to look away. They moved to a rhythm that Les felt fit the symphony of the falling rain. She was so perfect, but sad. He had done that. He knew it. If he could have changed his stupidity, he would have.
They moved along the sidewalk in a slow waltz. Tori started to step away, Les redirected her, so they turned like planets orbiting each other until she was pressed against his chest. Slowly, Les dipped his face toward hers.
Tori threw her arms up, shrugged away from Les, and continued to kick at the water. “No, I can’t.”
“What’s going on?” Les asked.
“I’m hiding.” She pushed her hands out, as if she was pushing him away from her head. She walked away.
“In the middle of the town in the middle of the night? That’s not very hidey.” Les followed her. He reached out, grabbing her wrist.
She turned and faced him. “I am invisible. No one can see me. Anyone who does ignores what they see and keeps on with their own self.” Tori flung her hand up in the air with a dismissive wave, breaking his hold on her. “Hiding in plain sight. It’s easy when nobody cares.” She glared at him. Her eyes were red and puffy.
Les felt her pain in the center of his chest. He struggled to find his voice around the burning lump in his throat. “You’re soaked. You need to go home and dry off before you get sick.”
Tori laughed, bitter and full of daggers. “I have an iron constitution. I’ll be fine.”
Iron rusts. “Can we at least get out of the rain, so I can talk to you?”
Tori made a growling noise and stomped toward the gazebo.
Les followed her up the steps into the gazebo, which only offered protection from the rain, not the chill seeping into his skin. How did he begin to tell her how he felt? “I thought we were friends.”
“I did, too.” Tori slumped onto the wrought iron bench that someone had dragged into the center. She stared at her toes as she tapped her soggy sneakers up and down. They made a squelchy noise.
Her voice grew quiet, and she wouldn’t look at him. The lack of eye contact felt physical. “Yeah, well, I’m done being the friend who gets ignored when someone better comes along. I’m done being convenient, being the friend no one calls unless they can’t find anyone else to hang out with. I’m done being told ‘well I do have other friends you know,’ when I ask if they are busy. I’m tired of being the perpetual third wheel. And I’m done with allowing myself to be tucked away into the friend zone because I can’t seem to get attention any other way. I’d rather just be alone than constantly hurt by my so-called friends.”
“You have friends here Tori,” he started
“Really? Who? Bella and Emily have proven time and time again that I am nothing but a nuisance. My best friend from Davis hasn’t texted me or called me in years.”
“What about the ladies at the dance class?”
Tori let out a long sigh. “I’m not friends with them. They are my grandma’s age. They eat dinner at five and on the nights they aren’t in dance class they are in bed by eight. It’s not the same.”
“What about Karen? You’re always sticking up for her.”
“I stick up for her because I don’t think people should make judgment calls about something they don’t understand. I don’t understand her, but that doesn’t mean I have to treat her differently than any other coworker.”
Les stood in front of her at a complete loss. What could he say? Everyone that he knew she knew could be explained away. He sat on the bench, propping his elbows on his knees.
“My friends…” she started. “No. Not my friends. I have never made friends easily. I try. I really do. I make sure I’m understanding and respect other people’s foibles. Unfortunately, that tends to land me with people who are only my friends because they think they can get something from me. And when I don’t meet their expectations, when I can’t be used to their advantage, I am disposable. I put up with a lot of crap so that I can feel like I have friends. And you know, it still catches me off guard every time it happens.”
“You aren’t disposable.” Emotion sat thickly in Les’s throat.
Tori turned her gaze to him. He looked over at her. The impact of her emotions felt like a brick landing on his chest. She stared at him, waiting. He sat there like the idiot he was with his mouth hanging open. Les tried to say something more, but words stuck in his throat.
“I don’t think anyone does it on purpose, but…” She shook her head, stood, and walked to the edge of the gazebo. “They don’t think about how their actions impact anyone but themselves, and I deserve better. I’m done. I don’t think I can be your friend anymore.” Without another word, she disappeared into the rain.
Hot pain paralyzed Les’s body into place. His soul longed to follow her, but she had pierced him with a spike straight through his guts and into the ground. He felt as if all his blood left his body in a rush. He reached up and touched his face at the unfamiliar sting of tears. How many times had he called her gorgeous to her face and then spent the rest of the night chatting up some other woman? How many times had he found her for a good conversation full of laughter after it was clear he wasn’t going to get laid that night? How many times had he been a complete jerk to her, only thinking about himself, and not that he was leaving her to walk home alone or to sit by herself at a table because her friends had dumped her for some guy?
And the one time he’d kissed her, it had felt like she was the very air he needed to live, but he’d deposited her with the very people she told him weren’t her friends like a gutless wonder, coward supreme.
Les collapsed forward, burying his face in his hands. He’d watched those assholes deliberately hurt her and never once clued in to the fact that he had been hurting her time and time again.
Everything had changed the night he’d kissed her, and not for the better. He convinced himself he’d done it to protect her. It was better to walk away from the mate glow before anything happened, before attachments were formed and emotions were involved, before he hurt Tori. Too fucking late. He was a coward, and she was the one who’d ended up getting hurt.

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